9am – The day started just like any other. Dry mouth, headache and sore eyes. I’d been out the night before to see some mates play in a band called ‘Decadence of Cain’ or ‘Decadence of Cunts’ as I’d saved them in my phone. We’d been up drinking until 4am-ish and I now had 3 smelly Melbournites camping in my house or front yard somewhere. Dry mouth is a real problem these days they explained to me.
10am – Bacon, juice, showers (all of which were cold) and they were good to go. Decadence of Cain were off to Sydney to play another show and I had the rest of my packing to do.
1pm – Met up with a mate (Nick Peddle, Canberra drummer/extraordinaire) for a sneaky beer (I use the term ‘Mate’ and ‘Beer’ very loosely here as the soft prick had a coffee. Good thing I made up for him by having a couple of beers. Crises averted).
3:30pm – My narcissism got the better of me as I watched a short documentary of my own band ‘The Barren Spinsters’ whilst in transit to the airport. In my defence, it had only been uploaded to YouTube for less than 10mins and I had to test it to see if it worked (I couldn’t leave the country until it had at least a single viewing registered with YouTube).
3:40pm – As I lift my bass out of the car at the airport, the handle fell off. I had to laugh. This is obviously a sign that I shouldn’t be doing this. Nobody tell Kevin.
6:30pm – Christ, how many people in this airport want to see my passport and ticket? I would have sent a group email if I knew it was going to be like this.
9:30pm - On the plane, hearded in like cattle.
10:30pm – The gentlemen next to me on the plane and I didn’t get a meal. I know that I look like trouble but this guy seems to be pretty harmless. Good thing I ate (and drank) myself a new arsehole at the Qantas club lounges at both Canberra & Sydney that our band mate Hugh Blemings somehow got us all into. Cheers Hugh.
1am – Take an international flight they said. Drink all the free piss you can hold they said. What they failed to mention is that the hostesses won’t bring any more drinks, as it is now 1am. After 1am is when I do all of my best drinking. I even pressed the little button but nobody came. They asked me all sorts of things and made me tick all sorts of boxes declaring this and that but not once did anyone ask me for my preferred drinking times. I would have taken the form more seriously if they had put some alcohol related questions on it.
1:15am – Never taken a piss on a plane before. I’m off to see what that’s all about.
1:17am – I don’t recommend it. Pissing on your own pants at 40,000ft is a sobering thought.